'Unbeautiful', Njo!

Sometimes it invades me like fever

'Unbeautiful',  'Njo!' I feel it.

It comes at night to assault me

His arms are cold and infuses me with sadness

I can't sleep

No one at home can sleep

My bed creaks 

I pace about restlessly in my mind

I hear words and faces are formed in the virtual clay of the dark

I see pictures even

'Unworthy', how can I forget?

Then the morning comes

And I emerge like I'm happy, who doesn't

I forget that I'm pretend, I believe, faith

There isn't a reason not to be

But I'm ashamed

I'm deeply ashamed

I can't tell anyone

They hear the creaking beds not my screaming

'Unneeded' 'such a waste'

The whispering never stops in my head and in the corridors

I've failed at 'boyhood'

I've failed at 'manhood'

There is nowhere to run to

The floor has denied me a funeral

The sun blares overhead

The heat is lethal

It hurts me, us

And when it rains, it floods

It floods cold puddles of tears

It's dark only to be lit by the scary lightening that winks at my humiliation

It's bed time again

'Unbeautiful', 'Alu!' 'such a waste' 

The voices return

I can't sleep

No one at home can sleep

So we lay alive in our beds, in the puddle of tears that fell as rain