Saturday, 23 November 2013

'Spirited Dialogues'

'Your mama!!!'
'What?! How dare you call my mama. Your papa!! Your mama!! Your family!!!'
Hey!!! take it easy, kids are listening.
In a world where everyone has to make a statement, a point, and worse still, ensure that he/she is the most heard and most accepted, we can't help having spirited conversations. There are several other metaphors for them: Some call it 'heated argument', 'shouting out', 'making a point', 'setting him/her straight'; 'expressing myself'; 'airing my views'; 'setting myself free'; 'showing her who is boss'.... The list is indeed endless.
However, we see that this method ends up denting our relationships and the public perception of who we are and what we represent. More often than not we regret most of what is heard and said in the course of these out bursts. Does this then make them out of place. No!
To have a relationship with anyone or anything there has to be a growing level of communication and connection. And hey! words must not be screamed to heard or understood. And you must not also bottle u your feelings for too long. It's terrible. You cause more harm to yourself than and to relationship by doing this.
It's a relationship. It's a life. You need to communicate. You need to understand and be understood so as to communicate. I know I'm no Helen Keller. But I have learned one or two things about this. When our relationships throws us 'surprise parties'; 'warm coffee' or  'cold spaghetti' we should endeavour more often than not to respond and not to react.  Responding is more lucid and calculated than reacting than reactions which are more impulsive  and reflex.
'Look, I can't deal with now. ' should do the trick: buy you some time and save your relationship from verbal outburst and abuses.  
And besides when you must have those spirited conversations you can be both polite to each other, indirectly setting ground rules on how to handle the ups and downs. Know your limit as regards the words and issues you can pull out of your artillery. Respect is never out of place in anger. And maturity should guide you through this.
When I think of spirited or intense dialogues/conversations I think of the several sermons and parables of Jesus. I consider how he broke very complex ideas such as the foolishness and faith in being in love into the parable of the lost coin and the lost sheep. There are so many other words and means he could have used  but he chose to be calm, simple and mature in his story telling.
I also consider Omotola's character in Last Flight to Abuja. Her conversation with Ali Nuhu on discovering that he was cheating would have been more dramatic. Though we could still feel the tension, her character set a new standard in Nollywood for us: the intensity of the moment is a call for your calmness and maturity. Though I love you so much I don't have to be crazy as well. Also in her Amnesty video, her composure was wonderful and mature. You will most likely be heard and listened to better if you keep your cool and ensure that your pitch never hits the roof.
I agree that some people are incorrigible and  too spirited to be mature. In this case I advice you listen till they are out of breath and oxygen. Then you calmly dominate. *wink*
There will always be a need to make a point and to be heard. But if you must communicate or connect with someone, please do it right. Do not be a man/ladyzilla. Have a spirited conversation and handle the intense moments maturely. You are amazing Yes. And that relationship is a blessing. True. You are being watched. And above all, you have to protect your relationship and your mind even in moments like this.

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