Friday, 9 February 2018

'Unbeautiful', Njo!

Sometimes it invades me like fever
'Unbeautiful',  'Njo!' I feel it.
It comes at night to assault me
His arms are cold and infuses me with sadness
I can't sleep
No one at home can sleep
My bed creaks 
I pace about restlessly in my mind
I hear words and faces are formed in the virtual clay of the dark
I see pictures even
'Unworthy', how can I forget?
Then the morning comes
And I emerge like I'm happy, who doesn't
I forget that I'm pretend, I believe, faith
There isn't a reason not to be
But I'm ashamed
I'm deeply ashamed
I can't tell anyone
They hear the creaking beds not my screaming
'Unneeded' 'such a waste'
The whispering never stops in my head and in the corridors
I've failed at 'boyhood'
I've failed at 'manhood'
There is nowhere to run to
The floor has denied me a funeral
The sun blares overhead
The heat is lethal
It hurts me, us
And when it rains, it floods
It floods cold puddles of tears
It's dark only to be lit by the scary lightening that winks at my humiliation
It's bed time again
'Unbeautiful', 'Alu!' 'such a waste' 
The voices return
I can't sleep
No one at home can sleep
So we lay alive in our beds, in the puddle of tears that fell as rain 

Auntim Jane...She always begins with ‘hmmm, look at you.’

You take. You take. You take from yourself till there is nothing left to listen to when you retire to your bed at night. You give yourself t...